Quote-Tastic: With a Baby Angel

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To Catch Her Death by Boone Brux

“That’s right. Having a trophy wife comes at a price,” I said over my shoulder. Bud was a decade plus older than Vella. I don’t think he knew just how high maintenance a southern trophy wife could be. But to be fair, Vella loved Bud and treated him like gold. “It’s nice that you’re trying to stay within budget. That should make him happy.”

“I know, right? Tight old miser.” She waved a manicured hand in the air. “I never let him grocery shop anymore. The last time he bought the cheapest toilet paper in the store. I think he actually dug around in their storeroom to find the last existing package.”

“And that was a bad thing?”

“You have no idea. I couldn’t tell if it was toilet paper or sand paper. I’m delicate down there.”

A snicker slipped out. “Ouch.”

Vella jabbed a finger at me. “I kid you not. I could have rubbed myself with tree bark and gotten the same results.”

I grimaced at the vivid imagery.

“Anyway,” she continued, “today I bought me some of that really expensive toilet paper. The kind with three layers that looks like my grandma quilted it.” She gave a little sigh. “It’s like wiping my ass with a baby angel.”

I burst out laughing.

Available at the following retailers: 
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This is a typical conversation between Lisa and Vella. What made this especially funny is that earlier in the day, Lisa had gotten a look at some of her 'competition' as a grim reaper - the guardian angels. And here Vella is talking about wiping her heiney with one.


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