Quote-Tastic: Deranged Playrooms and Cashmere Cock Rings

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'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy by Leslie Langtry


I loved knitting. When I say that, I didn’t mean I enjoyed completing projects like sweaters and such. I just loved working with my hands on something less lethal. It was very calming. They say knitting is the new yoga.

A teenage boy with a Mohawk sat across from me, sneering. I’d seen that look before. Why was it a problem to knit in public?

“My grandma knits.”

I ignored him.

“So what are you making, Grandma?” Mohawk’s voice was ugly.

I arched my eyebrow. “A cashmere cock ring. Your grandma ever knit one of those?”

The kid’s eyes grew wide, and he suddenly became very interested in a four-year-old issue of Teen Vogue.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I usually give my “concoctions” a few days to work. Sometimes, Vic is the type who doesn’t take his medication regularly. So I decided to put my worries on the shelf and focus on prepping the house for Romi and Alta’s training. Liv and I worked to set up the basement in my house for Little Girls Gone Lethal.

For an entire day (Dak picked up the girls after school and kept them occupied), we unpacked the new stuff and organized it. I installed locked wooden cabinets to hold the garrotes, dummies and knives. Liv bought a kids’ chemistry set so it would look amateurish (unlike the primo stuff in my workshop). When we were done, we sat back and admired our work.

Liv handed me a bottle of beer and sat on the new sofa I had put downstairs.

“Wow,” I noted, “looks like a deranged playroom.”

Liv nodded. “It does, doesn’t it? Maybe we shouldn’t have gone so crazy with the Disney Princess theme?”

“Well, it does give it a certain childlike atmosphere. It just looks like this is the part of Cinderella’s castle she didn’t visit so much.”

“The torture room?” Liv asked.

“At least there’s no Iron Maiden.” I took a swallow of beer.

“True.” Liv rubbed her chin. “But I think it’s safe to say that we should have the Daisy Troop Christmas Party at my house.”


Apparently I didn't know it, but I am on an assassin kick. This book has been sitting on my reader for awhile now, and something made me decide it was time to open it and read it.  This was very much a tongue in cheek story. It was full of all kinds of crazy over the top antics.  It's a story not to be taken seriously, but to have a good time with. And I couldn't help laughing at several of the scenarios. It was just a good time book. I will definitely be checking out the others in the series.... soon I hope.

YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY...
Death by Chocolate is her favorite dessert. And those knitting needles aren't just for craft projects. To most people, Gin Bombay is an ordinary single mom. Then again, they don't know she's from a family of top secret assassins. Somewhere between leading a Girl Scout troop for her kindergartner--would nooses count for a knot badge?--and keeping their puppy from destroying the furniture, Gin now has to take out a new target.

BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFF
Except this target has an incredibly hot Australian bodyguard who knows just how to make her weak in the knees. But with a mole threatening to expose everything, Gin doesn't have much time to let her hormones do the happy dance. She's got to find the leak and clear her assignment...or she'll end up next on the Bombay family hit list.

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